Marriages Arranging

“Hasn’t your father arranged your marriage, yet?”

Add that to the list of questions that have caught me off guard in Nepal. I used to answer with a long explanation about how we typically don’t have arranged marriages in the US. These days, however, I simply smile and say, “No, not yet.”

I wonder what your first thought is when you think about the concept of arranged marriage? I used to think it totally crazy. Oppressive, even. And let me be clear – I’m in no way supportive of a marriage arrangement that oppresses either party. Three years into Nepali living, however, I’ve been wowed by the beauty of the arrangement spectrum I’ve seen. Allow me to explain.

My first exposure to an arranged marriage was through my language teacher, Sama. Sama teaches many foreigners and knows that arranged marriage is a concept we don’t easily grasp. But she has been married to Hari for nearly 20 years and as she describes it, “It may be arranged, but we love each other deeply. We’re committed to each other. We choose to commit, and from that love grows.” Just spend time with them and you’ll agree.

Hari and Sama.

During the most recent wedding season, I was given two invitations to different weddings on the same day. (Thankfully, at the same banquet hall.) The first was a completely arranged marriage. Roshni had never met her would-be husband, Sanjay. Rather, she was quite eager to get married and gave her parents the go ahead to start looking on her behalf. The parents’ role is critical, as they consider their own son or daughter, their family as a whole, and what kind of spouse would be a good match.

Not long after beginning the search for Roshni’s husband, her parents found him. An intelligent, hard-working Nepali guy living and working in Texas for the last several years. He and his family agreed, and he flew home to meet Roshni for the first time just weeks before their wedding. When asked how they felt about (what I considered to be) such a quick arrangement, they simply said, “It feels like we’ve known each other forever.” Both they and their families were – and still are – thrilled. They’re choosing daily to commit.

Roshni (far right) and Sanjay (far left) on their wedding day with Roshni's family.

The wedding next door that day was my good friend, Dr. Arjun. Arjun and Sushmeeta had noticed each other at the hospital where they were both working at the time. While they didn’t exactly “date,” they found themselves quite interested in one another and knew with some certainty that their parents would look favorably on arranging their marriage. One meeting with the parents and within weeks, not only was the engagement finalized, but the wedding itself had taken place.

Arjun and Sushmeeta during their wedding ceremony -- getting close enough for a photo wasn't easy!

Of course, not all marriages in Nepal are arranged. Another good friend has been dating her boyfriend for several years and they’re planning to marry soon. Thankfully, her parents approve. This type of “love marriage,” as it’s called, is not the norm, but is definitely on the rise.

Once again, the more I learn about the multi-faceted aspects of Nepali culture, the more I marvel. Marvel as I realize that foreign does not equal better or worse. Simply beautiful in previously unrecognized ways. Arranged marriage – and the choice to commit – is growing on me. So, if you happen to have an eligible bachelor in mind, just let me know… I’ll give you my dad’s number.

We're thankful for Nepali friends who help dress us (literally) for the festivities.

About coffee, um, I mean water....

The coffee blog post was conceptualized over nine months ago when a long awaited Moka pot arrived with a visitor from the US. Since then we've done multiple taste tests with various brewing techniques and probably (definitely) consumed more than 1,000 cups of coffee in our home. But lest we get ahead of ourselves, this time of year reminds us just how precious the water is that's required to brew said coffee. So as a prerequisite to writing about coffee, we'll explain how the water gets to us in the first place.

Nepal's climate (and just about every other aspect of life) is dependent on the South Asian monsoon. Rains arrive predictably in June and stay till September, driving the annual agricultural cycles. April and May, however, are the hottest, driest months of the year, bringing with them often severe water shortages throughout the region. Furthermore, due to contamination of surface and ground water by things we'd rather not mention, safe water is even scarcer. Add to this our weak foreign stomaches and, well, lets just say a clean glass of water has become one of our most precious, appreciated commodities. (So is albendazole, but that's a different post all together.)

So how does a household get clean drinking water? There are a few options, really. But since our necks are as weak as our stomachs, we don't carry our own water up from the local tap. Rather, we've learned how to truck it in. And pump it. And filter it.

Step 1: Call the water truck. Pray that they have both water to fill their tanker and fuel to reach your house. (The tanker's hose runs down our driveway, into our ground tank.)

Step 2: Wait as 7,000 liters of water fill your ground tank.

Step 3: Pump water up to the roof, where 2000 liters can (and should) be stored.

Step 4: Turn on the tap -- but don't drink it! (And please don't judge our dishes.)

Step 5: Again, multiple options here that include boiling, bleach, UV light, and others. We prefer a simple carbon filter to make our water safe for drinking.

Step 6: Finally! Poor clean, drinkable water into your coffee brewing mechanism of choice. More on this step soon....

Ke Garne? (What to do?)

In my Nepali language classes, we are currently studying the Nepal wilderness. We learn about the forest, animals, bugs, etc. The community assignment for this chapter includes a trip to the zoo. However, I am learning even more about Nepal's wilderness in my own home.

While tackling the usual suspects (e.g. mosquitoes, geckos), I noticed a bug on our table. After killing and disposing of it, I noticed another... and another. Soon, it became very clear that the bugs were coming out of the table, boring holes through the wood. What?!? Not knowing what to do... I videotaped it. 

Afterwards, I sprayed insecticide in the holes. One little creature got caught halfway with his head at the hole opening. I couldn't quite live with him still in there but wasn't sure how to get him out. No worries, I remembered the good ol' scotch tape test for worms in med school and... voila! To all my medical friends, I promise the worm came from the table. =) 

After some consultation with Christine, our carpenter who built the table, and the internet, it appears these little creatures are powderpost beetles. Thankfully, they can cause some cosmetic damage, but not any extensive damage or further infestation. We're hoping their presence adds to the "distressed wood" look, rather than discourages future dinner guests. Ke garne? 

A Brilliant Move

What is going on here, you might ask? Well, often things don't quite fit down the narrow stairs. In this case, it's the couch. Nepalis are incredibly creative, and well, fearless. So, why not just send the couch over the balcony?!? Catch!

         Guess what happened:
            a. We need to buy a new couch.
            b. We learned more about the Nepal medical system from the patient perspective.
            c. Everyone survived and the couch looks great in our apartment.

Disasters - Ready or Not...

This small, beautiful country of Nepal has seen more than its fair share of natural disasters. Year after year, monsoon rains bring floods and landslides. And after the devastating earthquakes, the country has been looking to improve their disaster preparedness. Patan Hospital has led the country in developing and implementing a disaster plan. As a result, other hospitals have asked Patan for assistance to develop a similar, site-specific disaster plan.

Over the past month, Patan Emergency Department has worked with another hospital, Spinal Injury Rehabilitation Centre (SIRC), to improve their disaster preparedness. Recently, we ran a disaster drill to evaluate their response and implementation. Can I just say - this was a blast! We bused 50 medical students, make-up artists, videographers, and photographers an hour away to this hospital. Additionally, officials from the Ministry of Health, World Health Organization, and Army attended as participants, observers and evaluators.

SIRC did a great job. It was good learning experience for all of us. With the fresh memories from the recent earthquake, everyone understands all to well the critical nature of this preparation. Overall, this was a sweet day of watching hospitals and organizations work together to build the emergency response system in Nepal.

Make-up artists did a great job making wounds/injuries realistic.

One of the Emergency Medicine Fellows gives instructions to the army for the disaster drill. 

"Patients" being dropped off at the hospital. The hospital did a great job of triaging and managing all of the patients.

The medical students did an awesome job acting as patients injured in a building collapse.

The Restock

What would you do with 200 pounds? I'm not talking about the spendable pound sterling, but rather the precious and often pricey luggage weight allotted to air travelers. Thankfully we were two individuals flying internationally, so these pounds cost us nothing extra at all. (Until you consider the airfare itself.)

While I almost always avoid checking bags, preferring to travel light and avoid lost luggage, that rule definitely does not apply when it comes to the restock. That is, the glorious opportunity to fill our bags with favorite commodities from the US.

It won't take you long to notice the themes of this year's restock.

1. Coffee. By far our most regularly imported item. Customs officers must think we're running an illegal cafe out of our home. The post office may think the same, as we have amazing friends that send us regular supplies. Thankfully, the value-to-ounce ratio is--in our caffeinated opinion--quite high.

2. Canning supplies? We'll concede that neither of us is your typical canner. But seasonal produce includes exotic lychees and amazing mangoes, such that we'd even risk botulism to preserve them. (Hopefully there won't be any blog posts about that in the near future. But then, who would be able to type it?!)

3. Wool anything. This past month it was socks, but the last restock included long underwear. Unlike standard fabric blends, you can go for months without washing wool and it doesn't stink. Not that we've tried....

4. Emergency gear. Whether it's a large-scale disaster or a power outage due to shortages, camping stoves and backup batteries are our MVPs.

5. Shoes. Mainly because our 'merican-sized feet can't fit into anything here. That, and the trails tear through them quickly.

6. Chocolate. A perennial favorite. The high temperatures in South Asia require increased paraffin content to keep chocolate from melting. So while the wrapper may say "Hershey's," if it comes from Delhi it's just not the same. We love sharing real Hershey's s'mores and baked treats with expat and Nepali friends alike.

Before I get carried away, an essential clarification: I would much rather spend these pounds on people if I could, missing them a thousand times more than anything listed above.

But TSA frowns upon that practice, so for the time being, I'll enjoy baking Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookies. If only I could find some cooking fuel....

Modified Life

Life in Nepal requires lots of modifications. Creativity is a must! To begin, here are just a few ways in which life is a little different:

• Unike in the US, we can’t buy everything we could possibly want in the grocery store. If you want it, you often need to figure out how to make it. Some of our favorite homemade things we would normally just buy are yogurt, ricotta cheese, crackers, english muffins, granola, pasta, and of course, ice cream.
• Doing laundry by hand.
• When there’s no gas and no hot plate, apparently you can use an iron to heat water?!? 
• My pretty strong stomach is no match for the invisible bacteria found in the water. We are constantly filtering or boiling water and/or contemplating our chances when eating out in Nepal.
• Monkeys. They are all around the city. In certain areas, including the baggage claim in the airport's domestic terminal, you need to conceal all food and/or beverages. Otherwise, they'll soon belong to the monkeys.
• New bugs. Especially land leeches during the monsoons make daily walks more adventuresome, requiring regular bug spray and even soaking socks in permethrin to keep them away. And just when leech season finally ended...tick season began.

Of course, we expect that foreigners would and should adapt to their new surroundings. But now, in light of the ongoing border blockade between Nepal and India, even Nepalis are being forced to make modifications to their daily routine. Without cooking gas, we are revisiting how to make favorite foods with the one electrical appliance that we have. Did you know you can make almost anything in a rice cooker? Bread – check! Soup – check! Molten Lava Cake – you bet! Even restaurants are now advertising a “Modi”fied menu, emphasizing the frustration with Prime Minister Modi in India who is believed to be playing a large role in keeping needed supplies from coming into Nepal.

But as the dry winter season begins here in Nepal, electricity is also becoming scarce. Nepal relies on hydroelectricity for power so without consistent rain, we have a limited supply. Many of the rural areas have no electricity at all and in the city, we have to share the supply. This means that during a good portion of the day any given house has no electricity. Below is our current schedule of when electricity is out each day:

            Power is out during the intervals listed.

No sector is immune to the shortages. Domestic flights have been cancelled. Public transportation has been drastically cut. (Christine's commute, as a result, went from $0.20/day to $20.00/day.) Hospitals are short on supplies and in terms of cooking for patients they've even had to resort to open fires. 

Resourceful employees at the Spinal Injury Rehabilitation Centre

Economists are predicting that the border blockade will have a larger negative impact on the country than even the major earthquakes this past spring. But while foreign aid (from India, even) poured in to help Nepal respond to that crisis, most in the world aren't even aware of the blockade, which is now into its 5th month. And so, for the unforeseeable future, it looks like we--along with the rest of the country--won't be traveling. May not be working. And will continue to cook creatively. Between the hours of noon and 4:00 p.m., that is.